January 20, 2009

Have you ever had that feeling where you know you need or want something, but you have no idea what it is? I've had that for the past few days - just the feeling of indecision with my life and not knowing where I want to go. Seems like almost every day when I'm driving with K, he asks me, "Where do you wanna go?" or "What do you wanna do?" and I always say "I don't know," "I don't care," "You decide..."


I wish I could be independant, drive on my own, be out as late as I want etc. Then maybe I could get a taste of making my own decisions for once. No, I always have to work my life around someone else's plans. Sure that "builds character" but the restriction is frustrating. I don't even have enough confidence to go and get my L after all my griping about wanting to drive. How am I supposed to work my way up to success when I'm so scared of change? I despise the feeling of being new - unfamiliar with my surroundings and the things I am required to do - and I think I've had enough of it for this year. Since my mind is so adjusted to this way of thinking (I HATE CHANGE), whenever I think of going on to higher studies in Uni and trying to get started in the work world, I shy away from the thought, not believing in myself.


I can't stop thinking about how I want to go back to how it was and yet there's so much here that is better. Whether I like it or not, the change of location was good for me. Even just because I love my K, I would stay here for him.


-RJ ♥♪

Posted by RJ Haely at 11:58 AM